R. Cort Kirkwood
The nation’s nuclear waste program will no longer be in the hands of a bald, mustachioed weirdo who wears dresses, heels, and lipstick to his job at the Energy Department.
The Department has fired Sam Brinton, deputy assistant secretary of the Office of Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition, because he has been charged twice with stealing luggage from airport carousels.
The light-fingered lavender boy, who claims he is “gender-fluid” or “non-binary” and participates in sadist sexual practices, can now devote more time to honing his skills as an airport thief. Allegations from two police departments suggest he needs a lot of practice if he’s going to keep stealing bags.